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Black Love, African American Love

A Black Love Blog that explores every dimension of African American relationships

Will Smith, the big Hollywood superstud, has finally revealed his secrets to a successful marriage:  He gets busy with whomever he wants, as long as he tells his wife about it.

Perhaps that is the reason this black man has no problem with his ball and chain.

Smith, who earlier admitted that divorce wasn’t an option, told Reveal  that “Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what’s natural and you’re going to be attracted to people.

“And if it came down to it, then one would say to the other: ‘Look, I need to have sex with somebody. Now, I’m not going to if you don’t approve of it’.”
Smith suggested that his marriage would survive a permitted affair because of his and wife Jada’s honesty.

He commented: “In our marriage vows, we didn’t say ‘forsaking all others’. We said ‘you will never hear I did something afterwards’. Because if that happens the relationship is destroyed.”

What does this say about black marriage?  Well, there are a lot of folks who are honest about it.  Black men say they don’t want to get married because that whole “don’t cheat” clause makes it hard for them to deny their male urges.  Men who are honest about these urges are attacked for being dogs and lose half their assets in divorce, as well as future earnings due to spousal and child support.  That makes marriage a bad deal for many men.

But here’s a secret ladies:  the man who seems like he’s not a dog, claims that he will never cheat on you and always seems to want to “do the right thing”, is probably a lot more like Will Smith than you think.

“Women don’t give it to men the right way,” says one black attorney who doesn’t want to be identified.  “Men want multiple women.  So, if a man doesn’t get married, he’s dogged out.  But then when he does get married and gets with another woman every now and then, he is considered a monster.  It’s hard to make the balance, which is why marriage is too confusing for me.”

Perhaps this opens the door for a discussion on what it takes for marriage to work.  Some have advocated for renewable marriage contracts or perhaps co-parenting relationships that allow for the rearing of children without tying the knot.  Either way, there needs to be a conversation, since black men are walking away from the alter, and white married men are not only getting divorced at a rate exceeding 50%, but the ones who stay married are the biggest supporters of online pornography.

Ain’t that the pot calling the kettle a pervert.  Perhaps we can address this problem.

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