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Black Love, African American Love

A Black Love Blog that explores every dimension of African American relationships

Category Archives: black women

A black woman put a list of her dating requirements on my facebook page as part of a broader conversation some were having about black relationships and why they don’t work.  I wonder what others think about this list and whether or not it’s healthy to have a list like this in your quest for true love.  Here is the list:


I don’t date men in jail
I don’t date men with children
I don’t date men who don’t have a job
I don’t date men who  are not career oriented
I don’t date men who have a criminal history (it’s called a background check and I highly recommend it)
I don’t date men who carry guns
I don’t date men who abuse drugs
I don’t date men who are verbally or physically abusive to anything OR anyone
I don’t date men who borrow money
I don’t date men who reject education
I don’t date men who can’t cook and clean
I don’t date men who can’t cry
I don’t date men who disrespect their mothers
I don’t date men who worship their mothers
I don’t date men who are still in love with his ex
I don’t date men who are married
I don’t date men who are separated
I don’t date men who are legally separated
I don’t date men in open relationships
I don’t date men who have girlfriends
I don’t date men who have a girlfriend
I don’t date men who brag about taking care of their kids
I don’t date men who don’t take care of their kids
I don’t date men who don’t know how to get rid of an ex-girlfriend
I don’t date men who are disrespectful to their ex-wives
I don’t date men who refuse to take an AIDS test

A pregnant woman has sued Jacksonville Jaguars receiver Dennis Northcutt, saying he arranged for his cousin to beat her up.

Sharri Henry, who claims to be four months pregnant with Northcutt’s baby, filed the lawsuit Wednesday in Los Angeles Superior Court. She accuses Northcutt, a nine-year NFL veteran, of trying to harm her unborn child and permanently disfigure her face May 17 at a Hollywood restaurant.


Click to Read.



“Mother Nature is a wicked old witch,” it has been said. We like to believe that Lisa Nowak and all the rest of those who succumb to romantic jealousy are fragile victims of a bad childhood or are weak, narcissistic or deranged. 

But Mother Nature plays a role in jealousy. In an article in the Los Angeles Times on February 14th, David Buss, a leading evolutionary psychologist, wrote that some 93% of American men and 82% of American women were the focus of an attempted seduction while they were in a relationship.  Moreover, 53% of men and 41% of women had lost their partner to a romantic rival: mate poaching.

No wonder, as an Australian Aborigine wisely said, “We are a jealous people.”  We can turn murderous, too.  In a study of 5,000 people in six cultures, 84% of women and 91% of men admitted to having had at least one fantasy about murdering a sweetheart or a romantic rival.  Many of us contain this “green eyed monster,” as Shakespeare called jealousy. But many don’t. Buss reports that sexual jealousy is “the leading cause of spousal murder worldwide.”


Click to Read More.


NBA star Shaquille O’Neal has been ordered to steer clear of an Atlanta-area woman who took out a restraining order Thursday.

Fulton County Superior Court Judge Richard Hicks granted Alexis Miller’s request Thursday after reviewing her allegations that the basketball player stalked her, threatened her with bodily harm and made harassing phone calls in which he breathed heavily into the phone before hanging up.

Miller, a 23-year-old hip-hop artist known professionally as Maryjane, claimed she ended an intimate relationship with O’Neal last month. She alleged he then threatened to pay performers $50,000 each not to work with her.

“It’s been very difficult for her,” said L. David Wolfe, Miller’s Atlanta-based attorney. “Her fears are not only for herself but also the people around her.” He said Miller, who has a young son, is “pretty traumatized.”

Wolfe said Miller had known the 7-foot-1, 325-pound All-Star center for about a year and a half, and that the two became intimate over the past six to eight months.


As kids go back to school, many parents are wondering if their daughters should receive the HPV vaccine. USA TODAY asked experts to address the safety and effectiveness of the vaccine, approved in 2006.

Q. Is the vaccine safe?

A. Yes, says John Iskander, director of vaccine safety at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Researchers tested the Gardasil vaccine, which prevents infection from four types of human papillomavirus, in more than 11,000 girls and women between ages 15 and 26 before it was approved.

Merck has distributed more than 16 million doses in the USA since then. The CDC has been monitoring suspected problems reported to the federal Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System.

Q. Have patients experienced any serious health problems after getting the vaccine?

FIND MORE STORIES IN: Food and Drug Administration | Prevention | Centers for Disease Control | New England Journal of Medicine | Gardasil | Mark Goldstein

A. Yes, although doctors don’t think the vaccine caused these problems. About 6% of the nearly 9,800 events have been serious, including 20 deaths, according to the Food and Drug Administration.

There was no common pattern to these deaths that suggests the vaccine was to blame, according to the FDA. Health officials also reviewed any available autopsy results, death certificates and medical records, none of which suggest the vaccine was the problem.

Click to Read.


Essence Magazine recently released never-before-seen photos of LisaRaye’s Turks and Caicos altercation injuries. If these are any indication of the turmoil going on in the marriage of LisaRaye and Michael Misick, it’s no wonder divorce court is on its way!

LisaRaye’s bruised and discolored leg, after an altercation.

A scar on LisaRaye’s arm after an altercation in Turks & Caicos.

LisaRaye’s shoulder, bruised from an incident in Turks & Caicos.

All photos & captions courtesy of



Lady Drama

Apparently, Nick Cannon’s mama and daddy can’t stand Mariah Carey.  According to an insider interviewed by Media Takeout:

“Mariah loves drinking champagne by the bottle. Her life is like one big party. I’m not surprised that Nick’s parent’s are upset with his choice in a wife … they should be.”

There is also a report that Mariah went to meet Nick’s mother with all of her handlers, as if she were making a publicity stop.  His mother didn’t appreciate the disrespect.

MSN gave a list of signs to tell if your spouse or significant other is lying to you:

  • Covering the mouth while talking. It’s as if they’re subconsciously repressing the untruths they’re spouting. It may be as blatant as completely concealing the mouth or as subtle as a single finger placed in front of the lips.
  • Touching the nose. Scientists have found that lying can cause the tissue in the nose to swell, meaning that a quick stroke could be a sign of deceit (or that it’s allergy season).
  • Rubbing an eye. When lying to someone, the instinct is to look away in shame. Since that’s a dead giveaway, many people content themselves with a fast wipe of the peepers.
  • Touching an ear. Just as you’re supposed to see no evil, you should hear no evil as well. These nervous gestures can range from a small rub of the back of the ear to an outright yank of the ear lobe.
  • Going for the neck. Research has found lying can cause a tingling in the tissues of the neck, leading to scratching or pulling the collar. It signals that the speaker is feeling uncertainty, so be concerned if you see it right after your sweetie announces, “Of course this Prada dress was on the sales rack at Marshalls.”
  • Shaking the head no while saying yes. If he says, “Yep, I’m getting home late because I have a big assignment to finish” while nodding his head, he’s working late. If he sends the mixed message of saying yes while shaking his head no, look for him at the Spearmint Rhino (read: strip club).





  • Several weeks ago I wrote a column called “How to leave your husband.”

    It did not say “Leave your husband now,” “Get divorced immediately” or even “Wash that man right out of your hair.” It was about preparing yourself financially when your marriage is already ending.

    Yet judging by the letters and message board posts that poured in, you would think that I had launched a campaign to corrupt women by showing them how to destroy a marriage in 45 seconds or less.

    Here’s a typical letter, from an angry reader named Mike:

    “Women who think and act like this DESERVE to be divorced and hopefully left with nothing. As for the author of this article, what gives you the right to preach that it is OK for a wife to STEAL from her husband because she is not happy! You are a pathetic excuse for a woman.”

    Most of the letters were from men. Many were morally outraged. And most said: Why don’t you write about how to leave your wife without going broke?

    Fair enough

    So I called divorce lawyer Gayle Rosenwald Smith, the author of “Divorce and Money: Everything You Need to Know.” The advice she would give men facing divorce, she says, is pretty much what she would tell women.

    Although many of the men who wrote in swore that women get the upper hand in divorce court, Smith would argue that point, based on decades of practicing family law in Philadelphia.

    Click to Read More.

    Omarosa, the woman who does all she can to get attention, recently appeared on the Wendy Williams TV show.  Omarosa is a lot like New York, from “I Love New York”, just a little cuter on the outside, but far uglier on the inside.  She sold out another brother on The Apprentice, and seems to think that she is destined for stardom.

    As this woman works overtime to keep her 15 minutes of fame on the move, she will slowly find that all the social hoeing, hating, hooking and manipulating she is doing to get ahead is not going to serve her well in this life.  I am sure that her love and her men are just as shallow and fake as her smile and her breasts.  In fact, she probably can’t keep a man anyway.

    Omarosa, going head to head with Wendy Williams is cute, but the truth is that whatever you have inside of you that keeps you unhappy needs to be dealt with.  You’re an ugly human being.

    Will Smith, the big Hollywood superstud, has finally revealed his secrets to a successful marriage:  He gets busy with whomever he wants, as long as he tells his wife about it.

    Perhaps that is the reason this black man has no problem with his ball and chain.

    Smith, who earlier admitted that divorce wasn’t an option, told Reveal  that “Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what’s natural and you’re going to be attracted to people.

    “And if it came down to it, then one would say to the other: ‘Look, I need to have sex with somebody. Now, I’m not going to if you don’t approve of it’.”
    Smith suggested that his marriage would survive a permitted affair because of his and wife Jada’s honesty.

    He commented: “In our marriage vows, we didn’t say ‘forsaking all others’. We said ‘you will never hear I did something afterwards’. Because if that happens the relationship is destroyed.”

    What does this say about black marriage?  Well, there are a lot of folks who are honest about it.  Black men say they don’t want to get married because that whole “don’t cheat” clause makes it hard for them to deny their male urges.  Men who are honest about these urges are attacked for being dogs and lose half their assets in divorce, as well as future earnings due to spousal and child support.  That makes marriage a bad deal for many men.

    But here’s a secret ladies:  the man who seems like he’s not a dog, claims that he will never cheat on you and always seems to want to “do the right thing”, is probably a lot more like Will Smith than you think.

    “Women don’t give it to men the right way,” says one black attorney who doesn’t want to be identified.  “Men want multiple women.  So, if a man doesn’t get married, he’s dogged out.  But then when he does get married and gets with another woman every now and then, he is considered a monster.  It’s hard to make the balance, which is why marriage is too confusing for me.”

    Perhaps this opens the door for a discussion on what it takes for marriage to work.  Some have advocated for renewable marriage contracts or perhaps co-parenting relationships that allow for the rearing of children without tying the knot.  Either way, there needs to be a conversation, since black men are walking away from the alter, and white married men are not only getting divorced at a rate exceeding 50%, but the ones who stay married are the biggest supporters of online pornography.

    Ain’t that the pot calling the kettle a pervert.  Perhaps we can address this problem.


    By Dr. Boyce Watkins

    OK Lauren, we need to talk. Yep, I’m talking to Ms. Lauren London, the beautiful young woman who starred in the movie ATL with TI, my favorite rapper. Besides our favorite artist, you and I have something else in common: Menace II Society was one of my favorite films. The movie came out when I was finishing college and I consider it one of the greatest films of all time. In fact, the Hughes brothers, who made the film, are among the best film makers in the business.
    With that said, I noticed that in a recent interview with King Magazine, you mentioned that you really like thugs. Not just thuggish thugs, but hard-core, pee-in-ya-mama’s coffee cup, “I don’t give a *&^%” type thugs. I was intrigued by your comments:
    “I love guys who are street. I won’t even give soft guys a chance. Menace II Society is my shit! Caine was like my first crush. Actually, O-Dog was my true dream guy. I was in love with him, from that opening scene where he pops the convenience-store worker. He had me from that gunshot [laughs]. He was ’hood, and I loved that.”
    When I heard these words, I thought “Wow, this girl needs to have a few more relationships to realize how concerned we should be about these comments.”
    OK Lauren, I don’t think you are crazy, stupid or a bad person. Fantasies are natural, and we all have some. I dream about a sexy woman with a PhD feeding me honey barbeque wings in big furry bunny slippers (don’t ask about the bunny slippers, that’s personal). But there is a difference between what you want, and what you NEED, and that is part of growing up.
    You mentioned that Caine, the star gangster in Menace II Society, was not hard enough. You actually went for O-Dog, his over-the-top homeboy. O-Dog is likely one of the most maniacal, murderous and treacherous characters to ever grace the screen of a movie theatre. He was the kind of guy who would shoot first and ask questions later, or maybe just shoot first because you asked him a question. Tupac was originally slated for this role, likely because he did such a good job playing the lunatic “Bishop” in “Juice” another great film made a few years earlier. Like O-Dog, Bishop was known for being one thing….. “crazier than a m*therfu*ker” (excuse my French, but sometimes English can’t capture the essence of just how crazy a m*therfu*ker truly is).
    As a college professor, I’ve seen other young women have similar fantasies. I recall hearing a young Black Pentecostal Apostolic graduate student mention how she “loves thugs so much….they are just so FORBIDDEN!” Years later, after several abusive, meaningless relationships, a few venereal diseases and about 6 restraining orders, she actually sees the virtue of giving nice guys a chance.
    I respect the street and I know a lot of good brothers from the street. But even the good brothers from the street don’t consider men like O-Dog from Menace II Society to be great catches. In fact, they go the other way when O-Dog comes into the room. Many brothers could understand Caine, the conflicted young man choosing between good and evil. But if there was a devil and angel on Caine’s shoulder, O-Dog was the devil. Men like O-Dog almost always end up dead or in prison, and your mama always tells you not to go their house.
    You see Lauren, men like O-Dog are not the guys who love you, respect you or remain faithful to you. They are the guys who show you a good time and then stalk you, kill you and kill your dog when the relationship is over. They are the men whose girlfriends are killed in the crossfire of a drive-by shooting. They are the men who don’t give a damn about themselves, so they sure as hell can’t give a damn about you. That is not the place to go for love, fun and certainly not for a meaningful relationship. It doesn’t mean you can’t have a little thug in your life, or a little street. But you always want to have a man with a little common sense, a little self-love and a little commitment to his future. That is what I hope you will share with other young women reading your article in King Magazine.
    You, Beyonce and other women who sing Thug Righteous Fairytales are not the only ones who make this mistake. Far too many men go chasing the most beautiful, booty-licious woman they can find, leaving the nice girl behind. They then realize, the hard way, that the nice woman is the one who will be there for you and that beauty goes much deeper than the skin. Lauren, you are pretty enough to surely get any guy you want, but you must also realize that there is strength in kindness. A man who loves you and treats you with respect is just as strong as a thug who shoots men in the grocery store. You don’t want O-Dog, you want the man courageous and caring enough to PROTECT you from O-Dog. That’s the secret.
    I had a friend in college who also liked dangerous men. After spending over a decade married to a man in the penitentiary, I am willing to bet that her perspective has changed. I hope you don’t have to experience a lifetime of pain to realize that O-Dog is not Prince Charming. The same thing goes for the women looking up to you.
    Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Professor at Syracuse University and author of “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about College”. He does regular work in national media, including CNN, ESPN, CBS and NBC. For more information, please visit

    The Boyce Blog

    There are rumors that the Queen of the World, Oprah Winfrey, is in a relationship with Tyler Perry.  They were spotted in Italy together recently on a vacation.  We don’t believe the rumor to be true, since there are stronger rumors about each of them that provide another reason they might enjoy shopping together.  They both seem like the “shopping types”….and it’s not because they are rich.

    We’ll just leave it at that.

    To say that the recent statements of ‘Actress’, Lauren London – in a “King Magazine” interview – is disquieting, is both an underestimation and misunderstanding of the potency attached to the wordage of certain celebrities within our community. Young Black Women are continuously lusting after the aptly-described “ruffnecks” and “thugged-out” brothers within our culture. It was in 1993, when MC Lyte, rapped – on a song called “Ruffneck,” from the album, “Aint No Other” – “I need a ruffneck/I need a dude with attitude/Who only needs his fingers with his food/Karl Kani saggin’ timbos draggin’/Frontin’ in his ride with his home boys braggin’/Lying ’bout the Lyte how he knocked boots last night/But he’s a ruffneck so that’s alright.” At the time, such allusions were looked upon as little other than artistic-expression, but with the rise in domestic-abuse among black households, such sentiments are beginning to lead to open clues vis-à-vis black-female misjudment. It is an ancient blurb that the good guy always finishes last, but Miss London seemed to put the L in Ludicrous with her recent morally-reprehensible comments. When asked by the interviewer of her choice in men, she replied: 

    “An authentic gangsta—that deletes about half the rap game off your list. I love guys who are street. I won’t even give soft guys a chance. Menace II Society is my shit! Caine was like my first crush. Actually, O-Dog was my true dream guy. I was in love with him, from that opening scene where he pops the convenience-store worker. He had me from that gunshot [laughs]. He was ’hood, and I loved that.”

    – With such statements, it is no wonder our culture is dissipating faster than the dreams of ‘authentic’ actresses who are more than qualified, but are turned around as a result of their stead-fast belief in integrity. That therefore ‘deletes’ Ms. London off any such list.