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Black Love, African American Love

A Black Love Blog that explores every dimension of African American relationships

Tag Archives: african american love

by Nicole Spence

So I was on the way to school talking on the phone with one of my girlfriends. I brought up a previous conversation that I had with my friend Jack. Just recently Jack invited me to go with him to check out this Sex club in Brooklyn. Jack knows damn well that I won’t be partaking in any of the reckless behavior, but we both figured it would be juicy material for me to write about, if I wasn’t such a damn fraidy cat, and I actually had the balls to enter such a place. 
The crazy shit is nasty people are everywhere, as I’m walking and chit chatting to my surprise this clean cut black guy over hears my conversation. As I attempt to cross the street he stops me. Now I’m thinking “ Oh you want my number?” But No! He tells me “ I didn’t mean to over hear your conversation, but I did. My girlfriend and I are looking for a new Sex club, can you tell me the name of the one you were just speaking about?” Get the fuck outta here! You swing? He begins to ask if I’m apart of the “community” I say, "No" followed by a very loud weird laugh. Lol 
But me being nosey I just had to get all up in his Kool- Aid! “ Tell me all about this Sex club, and your Boo! “ Dude was so cool and really didn’t mind sharing their story with me. Let’s call him Jameson! 
Jameson and his girlfriend have been dating for about a year now. However, after about 3months of dating she found his porn collection in his apartment. Jameson remembers feeling awkward and embarrassed at her finding them. To his surprise she was more than cool with his collection and began to inquire whether he would be interested in watching Live! Of course instinctively he thought that shit was some type of joke or massive set up. Lol. But nope she was serious, she begins to tell him that she is a member of this sex club in the Meat Packing district, and that they could go there together and “play”. Man I just couldn’t believe my ears! The girl is the one who turns out the guy?? Wow! So the deal with the Sex club is that No single guys couples only. Single girls are allowed but a female member must accompany the men. Not everyone engages in sexual activity there, some women are dressed in lingerie or naked but you might even see women in business attire! “Shut Up”! 
The first time Jameson and his girlfriend visit the club he was very nervous, so his girlfriend did most of the work, you know selecting the couple. Their first time was with an older white couple but it wasn’t at the club. The couples made a date to meet another night to exchange medical records and “connect “ in a private setting. Jameson says that this is a “lifestyle” medical checkup are mandatory and that people who are in this community are a lot more health conscious then us “naysayers.” He assures me that condoms are always heavily enforced! I hope so shoooooot! Once at the couple’s apartment and pleasantries are exchanged, the wife begins to make her move on Jameson and starts to kiss him. Since he was still feeling a bit uneasy he glances at his girlfriend who encourages him to enjoy as she makes her way across the room to the husband. Some swingers might switch partners during their session, but these two were in it to experience someone new to the fullest! 
After their encounter Jameson and his girlfriend go back home and have sex, alone! According to him the sex is even better! The sex was even hotter because these two were trying to restore the balance in the house. You know that “ this is still my pussy” type of shit! 
I can’t lie I always find open relationships interesting especially when you see couples “successfully” making it work. I keep hearing that the trick or mindset is to see sex as just that sex.
Here’s an interesting statistic though; according to www.ActualSwingers.com 20% of American couples are Swingers! And that couples that enter into a swinging lifestyle can increase their enjoyment and satisfaction in the relationship. They also consider this lifestyle as bringing in a better understanding of themselves and their partner, therefore enhancing their intimacy. Couples who “ Swing” don’t’ enter into to this lifestyle because they are currently in a failing relationship. It’s the opposite. These couples consider themselves to have a great foundation built on trust.
Oh yea when I asked Jameson if he would marry his girlfriend, he responded with “Ahhh right now we’re just having fun, I’m not thinking about marriage”! Uhm I didn’t think so buddy!! 
Although I may visit and be curious a Swinger’s life is not for me. But if my Golden Girls and I ever make it to a Sex club you guys will be the 1st to know.
Anyway who else is swinging out there? Have you ever wondered how the other side lives? Share with me!!
http://www.NicoleSpence.ME

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I was supposed to get married last year, but my fiance called off the wedding weeks before the ceremony. He said that I was not passionate enough, but he refuses to leave, constantly telling me what I don’t do and what I can’t do and what I won’t do. There is so much animosity between us that I don’t think we could ever get past it. Do you have any suggestions on how we could make it work or if it is even worth it?

Nikki

Calling off the wedding the month you are supposed to get married is a sign that your fiance was not ready, and he is now blaming his uncertainty on you. Pointing the finger at your spouse is a surefire way to create division and animosity in a relationship. These are all tactics used to push a person away, and it seems that your fiance has no intention of truly saving the relationship. His decision to stay in a mini-marriage and not be married, all the while verbally and emotionally abusing you, sounds like he wants you to end the relationship so that he will not be responsible for its failure. If you want to heal this relationship, you will need a relationship couples coach, and if you decide to end it, I would recommend that you work with a coach to heal the wounds created by all of this emotional turmoil. In the meantime, ask him what his true fears are concerning marriage. Any emotionally stable person knows that you cannot change your partner; you can only change yourself. Taking responsibility for his role in the type of relationship he helped to create would have been the empowering way to address this situation. He could have chosen to approach you differently and been open to sharing his needs for passion and other forms of intimacy with you instead of laying the blame on you for his own cold feet.

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He’s superprotective of his gadgets. “The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating e-mails, IM chats, cell phone texts or bills,” says Belisa Vranich, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. So if he’s being unfaithful, he may guard his gadgets or act really defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer. It should be a giant red flag if he readily gave you passwords in the past, and now he’s more evasive.
2. He steps up the grooming. “This is so obvious, but it’s a sign many women miss: If your man starts grooming down there without you requesting it, that could be an indication that he’s spending more time naked,” says Vranich. You can actually thank porn for this tipoff. Guys today are used to viewing manscaped dudes onscreen, so if he has another chick to impress with his sexual prowess, he may emulate those ultra-trimmed guys. Another clue: He’s spending more time at the gym.

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Taraji P. Henson is single and trying to mingle, but has some standards when it comes to dating.
“Most men are fragile,” the “Curious Case of Benjamin Button” star says in September’s Men’s Fitness magazine in a story that features some sizzling photos of Henson. “I’m a successful woman, in the public eye, and raising a kid by myself. It can leave guys feeling like, ‘Damn, how can I have a chance?’”

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I am a college student, and I have been in a long-distance relationship for three years with a man who is 11 years older. We met online, grew to be best friends and have been through a lot together. Recently, our relationship suffered a major blow when I was told by his godmother that he was still legally married to his last wife. I confronted him and ended up speaking with the wife. Eventually, we broke things off, and he got divorced, which was confirmed by the county clerk. Since then, we have been trying to rebuild, but I no longer trust him, and I believe it is make us both miserable. Moreover, my insecurities are making him going out of his way to show evidence of his honesty in even the smallest of things. I love this man, and we have overcome racial differences, an age gap and distance, so I know our potential. However, I don’t feel that I can ever trust him again after this. Is it possible for us to recover from this?

Anonymous, 21, Seattle

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Rumor is that Kanye West knocked her up.  Does that  mean the baby will be bald too?

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Popular women’s site Jezebel has amassed in one place evidence that confirms what we always suspected. Most of the women appearing on ‘The Real Housewives of Atlanta’ are hardly the rich women they pretend to be. Far from being pampered princesses without a care, NeNe, Kim, Lisa and Sheree are plagued with financial, family and relationship problems just like everybody else. Perhaps this makes for great reality television, because if these ladies were truly elite, they might not be as fun to watch.

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by Dr. Boyce Watkins, Syracuse University

OK, was I confused when I found out that Tiny and Toya (TI’s “baby mama” and Lil Wayne’s ex-wife, respectively) were being given a reality show on BET? Yeah, I was a little surprised. If only I could find a way to become a high profile baby mama — that seems to be the way to go. With my being a man, I guess that might be difficult to accomplish. All jokes aside, I watched this show with tremendous curiosity, as I think we can all learn from observing the thought patterns of those who live behind the scenes of our favorite celebs. Part of me feels sorry for both of these women, who seem to be desperately fighting their way out of the massive shadows being cast by the powerful men in their lives. Even the daughters of TI and Lil Weezy are trying to get their own reality show. Maybe they too are feeling the weight of their daddies’ collective fame. Why don’t we just give a reality show to the family dog? Now that would be hot!

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Yep, I’m guilty. I admit it. I have indulged in one of my (many) guilty pleasures, ‘Bridezillas,’ a few times. Now, don’t even try acting all bourgeois, because you know you have, too. And even though we sit back and wonder what man in his right mind would marry one of these crazed chicks, with their “I’m all that” attitudes and ridiculous demands for cerulean – not blue – centerpieces, there’s a thing or two we can learn from them even before we find the proverbial “one.”
1. Be a S.N.O.B.
Opt to settle for nothing other than the best when it comes to matters of your heart. Don’t worry, that doesn’t entail being a pompous, arrogant b&^%$. Instead, it means knowing precisely what you require in a mate and sticking to that ideal. But knowing is half the battle, yes? That brings us to point two.
2. List Your Demands
Mariah and Rihanna list their demands at every one of their shows in the form of a “concert rider”– agreements that each show promoter must adhere to. Guess what? Beyonce ain’t the only diva around. Here’s what you do: Pull out a piece of paper, grab a pen and write down every single thing you want and need in your soon-to-be-found husband (even if you think it’s facetious. FYI: It’s perfectly okay to list attractiveness as a requirement). List them out numerically. There doesn’t have to be a specific order, just get them on paper. Also, there’s no limit, so write to your heart’s content. Next, put stars next to those you deem to be of utmost importance (i.e., compassion for your feelings might be starred, while a required height of 6-foot-3 won’t be quite as pressing). Notice how many are starred versus those that aren’t. The starred ones are must-haves; the unstarred ones are the nice-to-haves. Put it in your wallet and carry it everywhere you go.

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Hollywood star Halle Berry has vowed that she will never get married again.

The twice-divorced 42-year-old actress is currently dating Gabriel Aubry, a French-Canadian model ten years her junior, and the couple has a daughter called Nahla.

However, Berry insists that a third marriage is not going to happen.

“I’m so not the relationship go-to girl. But I’m much clearer about what a relationship is, which is why I will never marry again. Gabriel and I have a great partnership and a lovely daughter,” the Daily Telegraph quoted her as telling The Mail on Sunday newspaper.

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Three women are facing charges after conspiring with his wife to lure him to a hotel room and kidnapping him.  Oh yeah, they put crazy glue on his “sensitive body parts.”  Damn

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“It’s unfortunate when business is out there about your personal shit, especially when you’re really not the guy to be having his shit out there,” Nas said. “The sad thing is, you’ve got to get used to it. My skin is so thick that I probably need to write a book for people who are not ready for anything crazy.”

“I heard that I was a cheater,” Nas told Straight.com. “It almost sounds like I was a bad husband. Not to say I was the greatest—I’m not perfect in anything I do—but I think I deserve a fucking trophy. If I do say so myself, without sounding too cocky, I gotta say I was a hell of a husband and a hell of a dad.”

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Filling in for Drake on the Young Money Tour, Chris was singing the chorus alongside Lil Weezy.

Is this the way he should be coming back?  Whatever. Click here to watch

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